


Chaotic Group Chat

by orphan_account



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben is alive, Chaotic Good, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, M/M, Other, Soft Number Five | The Boy, You're not number 8 this time, and got stuck in the future w five so yk, you just have powers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:06:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26380054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: You add the 7 Hargreeves into a group chat, cos why not lol
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Everyone, Ben Hargreeves & Reader, Diego Hargreeves & Reader, Diego Hargreeves/Eudora Patch, Everyone & Reader, Klaus Hargreeves & Everyone, Klaus Hargreeves & Reader, Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy) & Everyone, Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy) & Reader, Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy)/Reader, Vanya Hargreeves/Original Female Character(s), but like no one died-, post season 1 - Relationship, season 2 didn't happen - Relationship
Comments: 39
Kudos: 113





	1. Diego has a knife kink

**Author's Note:**

> You're not Number 8, Long story short you were yanked into the Apocalypse with five.

you added Number 1, Number 2, Number 3, Number 4, Number 5, Number 6, and, Number 7 into a group

you named the group: chaos club

you: yo

Number 4 changed their name to hottiethottie

hottiethottie: hola 

Number 1: What's the meaning of this chat?

Number 6 changed their name to bentacles

bentacles: does there have to be a meaning???

Number 1: Yes.

Number 7 changed their name to cosmicviolin

comsmicviolin: hiya, frens

bentacles: hi vanny

Number 3 changed their name to iheardarumor

Number 5 changed their name to five 

Number 2 changed their name to thekraken 

you: to answer your question luther 

you: i just wanted a chat w y'all 

hottiethottie: loosen up ape man n have some funn 

hottiethottie changed Number 1's name to stinkyapeman 

stinkyapeman: That's rude. Klaus, Apologize. 

hottiethottie: lmao no 

five: luther are you gonna use proper punctuation the whole time? 

stinkyapeman: Yes. Of course. Why wouldn't I? 

five: im fucking 58 and even i know how that proper grammer n texting dont go together tf 

therumor changed stinkyapeman to luther 

luther: Thank you, Alli. 

therumor: No prob <3 

you: oh my god can y'all just NOT flirt?? for like 10 seconds?? jfc 

hottiethottie: ^ 

five: ^ 

cosmicviolin: ^ 

bentacles: ^ 

thekraken: ^ 

luther: We were not flirting? 

hottiethottie: yeah and diego doesn't have a knife kink 

thekraken: i 

thekraken: i dont tho 

hottiethottie: yeah sure lmao ok 

cosmicviolin: okay but like?? was e v e r y o n e kung fu fighting?? 

bentacles: top ten questions science still can't answer 

five: are we just gonna ignore the fact that diego lied about having a knife kink?? 

thekraken: i deadass dont tho????? 

you: ive seen the way you look at knifes my guy,, its pretty kinky 

thekraken: i hate it here omfg


	2. The polar express hate club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five hates the polar express.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> deadass i hate the polar express
> 
> also even tho ur not a hargreeves™ you live at the manor cos after five dragged u into the apocalypse ur family pronounced u dead and moved tf away so when u came back u needed a place to stay and five was more than happy to oblige

five: so you wanna hear some bullshit

you: five no

luther: Language, Five.

five: fuck off

five: anyway motherfuckers

five: the polar express is an ass movie

five: to say the least.

you: he made it all of 10 minutes into the movie before standing up and yelling at the screen

you: but theres more, as you can imagine, five yelling at a childrens movie would be hilarious but

you: it gets even better bevause we were in the public movie theatre

five: the public deserved to hear the truth

you: he yelled at a 7 year old that shushed him

five: that little fucker had the a u d a c i t y to shush me in the middle of my rant

you: you made him c r y

hottiethottie: lmao then what??

five: that karen ass bitch called the manager on us and got us fucking kicked out

bentacles: five you hate the polar express that much??

five: y e s.

hottiethottie: honestly i dont blame you,, it really does suck

bentacles: ^

thekraken: ^

luther: I liked 'The Polar Express'

five: OF FUCKING COURSE YOU DO

you: oh no

bentacles: luther what have you done

five: OF COURSE YOU WOULD LIKE THE FUCKING POLAR EXPRESS YOU DUMB ASS BITCH

five: YOU HAVE -100000 IQ 

five: YOU MONKEY APE MAN 

five: FUCKIN DONKEY KONG LOOKING ASS

five: THATS WHY YOUR FIRST AND ONLY KISS WAS YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SISTER

five: SWEET HOME ALABAMA LOOKING ASS

five: I SWEAR TO GOD 

five: I WANNA HIGH FIVE YOUR FACE WITH A FUCKING BRICK

bentacles: d r a g h i m

hottiethottie: like deadass go off

luther: ........

you: on god i can't fucking breathe

bentacles: i can hear you laughing omg

hottiethottie: take a breather damn

luther: That was very rude. 

five: dont get me started again.

10:15 pm

you: fuck im bored

hottiethottie: hi bored, im klaus

you removed hottiethottie from the chat

bentacles: klaus says add him back

you: no he fucking deserves this

bentacles: :(

you: okokok im sorry pls dint be sad

you added hottiethottie to the chat

hottiethottie: d

hottie thottie: does y/n have a soft spot for Ben?

five: who doesn't?? he fucking ben

you: ^

bentacle: aww thats sweet

you: ugh fuck u 

five: im not soft fuck u

you add five to a private chat

you: hey fivey? you wanna have a sleepover in my room?

you: ill turn on the fairy lights IF you bring cookies and chocolate milk

five: oh my god bet 

five: wait can we watch a disney movie too? 

you: yes ofc 

five: ill see u in ten


	3. Luther's stinky and Five's dumb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus and Five bond over being mean to Luther.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh idk

4:06 pm

luther: Hello, Family.

luther: + Y/N

hottiethottie: omg can you not type like an old ass man for like 10 seconds??

luther: I am just using proper grammar.

hottiethottie: i

hottiethottie: thats literally the problem

luther: How? Being proper and using full sentences, is a problem?

five: if you keep talking like that, ill literally throw myself out the window

luther: Do not do that. It is unsafe.

hottiethottie: SHJKJKSKDJSKJD

luther: What?

hottiethottie: HE RLLY THREW HIMSELF OUT THE WINDOW

five: okay,,

five: no one tell y/n 

hottiethottie: did u hurt urself? lmao

five: ,,,

five: p e r h a p s 

luther: I told you not to do that. 

five: i ToLd YoU nOt tO dO tHat

five: shut the fuck up you 1 brain celled whore

hottiethottie: like deadass,, go fuck allison or sumn

hottiethottie: no one wants to hear ur bullshit donkey kong

five: omg wait

five changed luther's name to donkey kong

five locked name changing privileges to all non-admins until 4:20 am 

hottiethottie: get fucked lmao

donkey kong: Hey, change it back!

five: no fuck u

donkey kong: Who else is admin? 

hottiethottie: uhh,, y/n i think?

five: haha suck it,, they wont change ur name back either

y/n: i have been summoned 

y/n: lmao suck it luther

donkey kong: Hey, Y/n?

you: yes,,?

donkey kong: Five hurt himself after jumping out the window.

you: HE WHAT

five: FUCK U LUTHER

you: Where are you?

five: the window outside Klaus' room,,,,,

you: ill be there in a minute, im taking you to the hospital

you: wait fuck

you: Klaus?

hottiethottie: yes, dear y/n?

you: Can you accompany us to the hospital as our dad?

hottiethottie: yeye ofc

donkey kong: Why him? I'm literally more responsible looking than he is?

you: well,, bc

you: fuck u

hottiethottie: ^

five: ^

7:10 pm

you: so, five sprained his ankle

you: he'll be on crutches for two weeks,,

five: the nurse bitch gave a me a sticker and a lollipop.

you: she also called him "sport" and "young man"

hottiethottie: it was fuckin hilarious

cosmicviolin: oh no :(

cosmicviolin: hope ur ankle gets better five!!

five: ty vanny

donkey kong: Wait so, everyone has a nickname BUT me? 

hottiethottie: i dont??

donkey kong: Yes, you do. @Bentacles calls you K. 

donkey kong: @thekraken is Di or Gogo.

donkey kong: @iheardarumor is Alli.

donkey kong: Ben is Bentacles.

donkey kong: I am ninety-nine percent sure, that I have heard Y/n call Five "Fivey"

you: incorrect.

five: the fuck,, no you haven't

donkey kong: Vanya is Vanny.

donkey kong: And Y/n is N/n

donkey kong: So, as I said I a the only one without one. 

donkey kong: :-(

iheardarumor: aw don't be sad luther

cosmicviolin: nah fuck that.

cosmicviolin: anyone that adds a nose to their smiley/frowny faces deserves to be sad

five: deadass everyone agrees.

iheardarumor: anyway,, lets think of some nicknames for luther?

hottiethottie: i like the one we already have

hottiethottie: donkey kong

bentacles: legodk

luther: Whats that?

bentacles: it stands for Lego Donkey Kong

bentacles: its cos ur built like dk and walk like a mf lego character

hottiethottie: LMAO DRAG HIM BEN

cosmicviolin: Big Chungus?

thekraken: reginald 2.0

five: omg lmao

five: the great wall of china

iheardarumor: all of those were ass

iheardarumor: what about,, lu?

donkey kong: Hm. It has a nice ring to it.

donkey kong: Thank you Allison. 

iheardarumor: no prob, lu. you know id do anything 4 u <3

thekraken: OH MY FUCKING GOD STOPP

five: gag

bentacles: you guys flirting makes me wanna rip out my eyes

hottiethottie: deadass stfu 

you: no incest in the chat

five removed donkey kong from the chat

you removed iheardarumor from the chat


	4. The Chuck E Cheese ball pit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya meets a cute girl.

6:18

cosmicviolin: GUYS

cosmicviolin: I GOT A CUTE GIRLS' PHONE NUMBER

hottiethottie: wait,,

hottiethottie: ur gay??

bentacles: yeah what

cosmicviolin: oh shit did i not come out???

cosmic: yeah, im bi as fuck

hottiethottie: congrats!! its been lonely in the gay club ugh

bentacles: congrats v

thekraken: wait what did i miss?

thekraken: oh shit congrats v

hottiethottie: anyway, tell us more about ur cute girl

cosmicviolin: her name is carmen

bentacles: ooh 

cosmicviolin: she has short blue hair

cosmicviolin: she has this rlly hot nose ring

hottiethottie: OMG

cosmicviolin: what?

hottiethottie: 2 things,, 1. I know her

hottiethottie: 2. lmao vanya has a piercing kink

cosmicviolin: what wdym you know her

hottiethottie: she used to work in of the rehab centers I went to

hottiethottie: tell her i said hi lol

cosmicviolic added itscarmen to a private chat

cosmicviolin: hiya! its vanya, the girl from the coffee shop

itscarmen: oh hey!

cosmicviolin: so like,, you might not remember him but 

cosmicviolin: my brother says he knows you 

cosmicviolin: hes a tall, lanky, tan guy w short curly brown hair

cosmicviolin: hes kinda loud 

itscarmen: ah klaus

cosmicviolin: indeed

cosmicviolin: oh he says hi btw

itscarmen: man i miss him

itscarmen: he made working there suck a lot less

itscarmen: and right before he checked out, he convinced me to quit

itscarmen: if i wasn't wildly in to girls, i wouldve asked him out

cosmicviolin: ooh lucky me :)

itscarmen: hey uh i know we like j u s t met but would you want go on a date with me?

cosmicviolin: YES

cosmicviolin: uh i mean

cosmicviolin: yeye ofc 

itscarmen: alright how does the coffee shop on friday at 8 sound?

cosmicviolin: it sounds amazing

6:29

cosmicviolin: i come back w new

cosmicviolin: i got my ass a date

hottiethottie: OH HELL YEAH

thekraken: damn v out here getting a gf n shit

thekraken: i see u 

y/n: wait what

y/n: straight up congrats v

five: we need ur guys' help

y/n: we need to get back at luther

hottiethottie: what'd he do?

y/n: five roasted him or sumn and he pushed five of his crutches

five: and my insticts made me blink away but i landed in a fuckin

five: chuck e cheese ball pit

y/n: which promptly gave him the flu

five: the fucker needs to pay

hottiethottie: ooh! i have an idea

hottiethottie: so the other day i thot of an idea for luther

hottiethottie: when he's in the shower,, someone needs to be the boiler room

hottiethottie: two of us need to be in the bathroom he's in

hottiethottie: my plan is we pour bags of flour on him and then turn of the water completely

five: thats genius

y/n: okay, so five you wanna be in the bathroom? i can take boiler room 

five: yes, i wanna execute my revenge

five: he takes a shower in the 2nd floor's 5th bathroom everyday at promptly 7:15

y/n: so all we must do is wait

7:20

five: alright is everyone in position? 

y/n: boiler room check

five: did diego lock luther's bedroom door?

thekraken: indeed

hottiethottie: i got the flour,, 

five: alright, its go time

7:20

five: look at this CLOWN

five: image.jpg

y/n: LMAO

hottiethottie: he is so angry

y/n: hold on

y/n added donkey kong to the chat

y/n added iheardarumor to the chat

donkey kong: FIVE

donkey kong: HOW DARE YOU

iheardarumor: what happened??

five: payback bitch

five: image.jpg

iheardarumor: oh my god

iheardarumor: thats not funny

bentacles: i can straight up hear you laughing tho

iheardarumor: shut up

five: that's what you get for pushing me down the stairs and giving me the flu


	5. Five?? Being Soft??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya goes on a date and you stay home with a sick Five. Meanwhile, Klaus and Ben discuss children's tv shows.

five + y/n private chat

6:30 pm

five: hey y/n?

y/n: yeah fivey? 

five: can u come here?

y/n: whats wrong???

five: i dont feel good :(

y/n: ill be there in 5 minutes

y/n: do you want me to bring anything?

five: can i have some hot chocolate?,,

y/n: yes ofc

five: :)

You softly knock on Five's door with a mug in one hand and flu meds in the other. "Come in." You open the door to see Five under the covers, his face is pale and he looks half awake. You pull up a chair right next to his bed. "How are you feeling?" He shakes his. "I feel like ass." You frown. "Well, you should take these meds with the amazing hot chocolate I brought you." You hand him the mug and the Medicine. "Thanks," He smiles softly. "Can we watch a movie?" You nod and prompt him to move over so you can sit on the bed. "What do you wanna watch?" "Can we watch Big Hero 6?" You nod. Half way into the movie you hear soft snoring. You look over and Five is fast asleep. You smile softly and turn off the movie. On your way out you turn off the lights and softly shut the door. 

7:15

y/n: hey guyss

hottiethottie: hiii

bentacles: hihi

y/n: what did i miss?

hottiethottie: benny boy here had the AUDACITY to say The Teletubbies wasn't a cinematic MASTERPIECE

bentacles: because it WASNT

bentacles: they were fucking creepy

hottiethottie: how??

y/n: what the fuck??

bentacles: they had fucked up names 

bentacles: n they looked like they were gonna eat ur ass in the middle of the night

hottiethottie: E X C U S E ME

hottiethottie: Tinky Winky was my first childhood crush. 

hottiethottie: do NOT disrespect him like that

bentacles: dude was a purple lump

bentacles: what was there to have a crush on???

cosmicviolin: AYE AYE 

cosmicviolin: SHUT THE FUCK UP

hottiethottie: wot

bentacles: yes??

cosmicviolin: I have a date in like 45 minutes and i need yalls help

hottiethottie: like help w what??

cosmicviolin: my outfit n shit n my makeup!!

hottiethottie: im omw 

bentacles: ooh! can i come too?

cosmicviolin: ofc benny 

bentacles: yay :)

7:25pm

five: hola 

y/n: when did u wake up??

five: like five minutes ago 

five: why'd you leave?? :(

y/n: im sorryyy,, i wanted to let you rest

five: come back!!

y/n: okay okay, ill be right there

five: :)

7:50 pm

hottiethottie: five being soft in the groupchat??

hottiethottie: holy shit is there another apocalypse???

bentacles: deadass its been so long since ive seen five be anyhting but a chaotic angry gremlin

cosmicviolin: like,, he literally is the human form of the "no talk me angy" meme 

hottiethottie: OMG Y E S 

cosmicviolin: well i gtg,, ill tell yall about my date later aha

bentacles: good luck vanny!!

hottiethottie: go get the head

cosmicviolin: klaus stfu

cosmicviolin: ok byee

hottiethottie: BEN

bentacles: W H A T

hottiethottie: look!!

hottiethottie: image.jpg

bentacles: is that five and y/n??

hottiethottie: they look so peaceful and soft 

bentacles: for someone who is so angry all the time he looks so innocent while cuddling.

donkey kong: Wait. Five and Y/n are cuddling??

donkey kong: Are they dating?

iheardarumor: i don't think so???

bentacles: i mean,,

bentacles: thats good question

bentacles: they where in the apocalypse together for 45 years

bentacles: so if they WERE dating,, thatd make a lot of sense

hottiethottie: okay but

hottiethottie: five def has the hots for y/n

iheardarumor: really? i thought it was the other way around??

donkey kong: Well, why don't we ask them?

hottiethottie: do you have no braincells??

hottiethottie: if we ask five anything he'll immediately dislocate both of our shoulders

iheardarumor: what about y/n?

bentacles: if we ask them, they'll prolly deny it and then tell five we asked and then five will dislocate our shoulders just as klaus said,,

iheadarumor: so the plan is,, we spy on them and see if they are dating

donkey kong: I don't know about this.

hottiethottie: eat shit ape man

hottiethottie: alli this is a great plan 

bentacles: ^

hottiethottie deleted 37 previous messages


	6. What is cottage cheese??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five is a drunk little shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this short but im gonna (hopefully) post another chapter late :)

3:15

five: gu ys

luther: Yes?

hottiethottie: si?

five: uh i forgot

five: OH!

five: if donkey komg is a momkey

five: monki

five: MONKEE

five: if donky ko ng is a monkee,,,,

five: then why is his name dONKEUY???

hottiethottie: are,, are u drunk??

five: N O

luther: Can you tell the time?

five: i mean ye but iDk what it has to do w this

five: video.movie

hottiethottie: did-

hottithottie: did u just send a video of u yelling at the clock????

iheardarumor: who the FUCK is yelling??

iheardarumor: i am trying to get my beauty sleep

bentacles: i think its five???

five: i am yelling bcos i am ANGEY

hottiethottie: why??

five: cos COTTAGE ChEESE

five: IS IT MOLDI MILK?

five: IS IT LIKE DOWNGRADED YOGURT?

five: I NEED ANSWERWWS

thekraken: okay so, someone come get five before i murder him

thekraken: he teleported into my room whilst crying about fucking cottage cheese.

hottiethottie: hold on 

hottiethottie: @y/n

hottiethottie: @y/n

hottiethottie: @y/n

hottiethottie: @y/n

y/n: YES KLAUS WHAT THE FUCK DO U WANT I WAS SLEEPING

five: Y/N!!!!!

five: HI! HOW ARE YOUUUUUUUUUUU

thekraken: come get him. he's drunk as a skunk.

y/n: i-

y/n: i just read up the chat

five: NO! I GOT NO W H E R E TILL I LEARN ABOUT COTTaGE CHEESE

y/n: ill tell u all about cottage cheese,, 

thekraken: uhh y/n?

y/n: what'd he do now?

thekraken: he fell asleep on my bean bag chair

y/n: ugh alright ill be right there


	7. Vanya's new girlfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang plays among us and vanya gets a girlfriend.

4:10pm

hottiethottie: brossss

hottiethottie: join my among us game

hottiethottie: the code is: abcdef

bentacles: oh hell yeah 

bentacles: i get 2 be yellow tho

luther: I swear, last time I played that game, Klaus swore up and down that he wasn't the impostor.

luther: Then, he KILLED me.

iheardarumor: yeah thats like,, the WHOLE point lu.

five: how did you lose to Klaus?? 

five: he is literally the worst impostor

hottiethottie: hey! :(

thekraken: well, its fair to say that five is the best impostor

bentacles: mf is an assassin irl and online wtf

y/n: hell yeah lets go

4:20pm

hottiethottie: so,, u mean to tell me,, 

hottiethottie: that i just lost, to FIVE AND Y/N?

bentacles: they're so coordinated

luther: They locked Alli and I in o2, killed us at the same time, and then the vented! Together!

y/n: what can i say? we're just that good

five: :)

y/n: :)

iheardarumor: dont yall DARE smile at us after what you did

hottiethottie: ben n i were together the w h o l e time and i look away from him to do my fucking task

hottiethottie: N HE WAS DEAD.

hottiethottie: n when i tried to report his mfing body,, 

hottiethottie: yall listened to five and y/n????

iheardarumor: to be fair, they did have a compelling argument

bentacles: compelling my ass! yall were literally in security,

bentacles: how did yall not see him vent??

thekraken: well at least you were discovered ben! 

hottiethottie: so we doin another round or what

five: indeed

iheardarumor: yes

y/n: yea

bentacles: mhm

luther: Yes.

thekraken: bet

cosmicviolin +itscarmen provate chat

6:30 pm

itscarmen: hey vanya, i had a really nice time yesterday :)

cosmicviolin: oh yeah me too! all though i have a killer headache

cosmicviolin: i think i drank too much

itscarmen: oh no :( 

itscarmen: id offer to come help u but

itscarmen: after your drunken love profession for me

itscarmen: you strictly told me to never meet your siblings so-

cosmicviolin: i may have been drunk but gggggggggggh

itscarmen: are,, are you okay??

cosmicviolin: i just threw up lol

itscarmen: aw, thats it, ill be over in 15

itscarmen: with meds and fluids

itscarmen: no protests!

cosmicviolin: tysm :)

6:20 pm

cosmicviolin: guys!!

cosmicviolin: so uh,, my new gf is coming over n knowing u guys

cosmicviolin: u will all inevitably run into her so

cosmicviolin: dont uh scare her away please

cosmicviolin: the only one that has permission to talk to her is klaus

hottiethottie: HAHA SUCK IT HOES

iheardarumor: wait why klaus??

iheardarumor: hes more likely to scare her away then we are

five: yeah within 10 minutes of her being here, he'll start telling the story 

five: abt how he waxed his ass with chocolate pudding :/

hottiethottie: ACTUALLY 

hottiethottie: she already knows that story!

y/n: wait what how??

hottiethottie: shes like my best friend lol

bentacles: well why can i talk 2 her :(

bentacles: 1. im harmless 2. ik her too!

bentacles: klaus n i r 2gether like 25/8

cosmicviolin: it goes w out saying that ur allowed ben

cosmicviolin: its just the ones that need permission

luther: I am offended. 

luther: Why can't I talk to her?

hottiethottie: no offense, bro

hottiethottie: but u get rlly protective and corner mfs 

y/n: damn cant relate

y/n: 99% sure he's scared of literally everything

luther: am not!

iheardarumor: HOLY SHIT LMAO

bentacles: are u okay alli??

bentacles: we heard u scream

iheardarumor: it wasn't me, it was luther-

y/n: I snuck up on him by flying at ceiling level

y/n: and then grabbed him by his shoulders whilst yelling boo

hottiethottie: HE RLLY SOUNDED LIKE A WHOLE ASS 7 YR OLD 

bentacles: skskkdsksks

luther: :-(

cosmicviolin: Guys! She's here ahh

6:25 pm

hottiethottie added itscarmen to the chat

hottiethottie: :)

itscarmen: hi vanya's siblings its nice to meet you :)

hottiethottie: hi carmello 

bentacles: carmen!!

itscarmen: benny! its been so long oh my god!

iheardarumor: hii! I'm allison, vanya's big sister

cosmicviolin: we're the same fucking age-

iheardarumor: shhh

luther: Hello, I am Luther. I'd like to discuss your intentions with Vanya.

cosmicviolin: GOD DAMN IT LUTHER

itscarmen: i-

itscarmen: Alright, sir. When would you like to discuss my intentions?

cosmicviolin: babe, you don't have to go along w this-

itscarmen: No, no, i got it.

itscarmen: he's just a caring and respectable guy, who's just looking out for his baby sister

cosmicviolin: WE'RE THE SAME AGE

iheardarumor: he's crying now omg.

luther: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. 

five: oh hello carmen

five: now, has anyone seen the MOTHERFUCKING COFFEE?

itscarmen: I brought some of my special blend along, if you wanted to try?

itscarmen: i originally brought it for vanny but theres plenty to share!

five: one moment

iheardarumor: Ahh, guys! I was just called back for the role of Annabeth Chase in The Lighting Thief musical!!

itscarmen: REALLY?? 

itscarmen: 1. HOLY SHIT I LIVE FOR TLT 

itscarmen: 2. I volunteer as a stagehand at the Icarus Theater! 

itscarmen: After Ben and I read all the books, we watched the movie together and laughed at how trash it was.

bentacles: im still mad about those movies >:(

itscarmen: i really hope you get the role!

hottiethottie: damn she's out here hitting it off with everyone, carmello's quite the charmer isn't she?

cosmicviolin: She's literally my girlfriend jfc

bentacles: nah, v, she's boutta be ur WIFE

bentacles: put a mf ring on her finger RIGHT NOW

five: HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT

five: THIS COFFEE IS SO FUCKING GOOD I-

five: MARRY HER DAMN IT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, its a bit short but oof. I've written a new story! It's about Teen! Five joining a band with you! If you want you should go check it out! :)


	8. She fell out of the sky.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A strange girl who claims to be in the same predicament as Five appears in the academy, Carmen invites Ben out to lunch with her and Vanya.

Five and I were sitting on a bench outside in the courtyard. It was a particularly nice day out. We were just talking about any and everything, mainly because there was so much silence in the apocalypse, that we always tried to fill in the silence with conversation. The habit still stands now, even though we're not in the apocalypse. At this particular point in the conversation, Five was talking about a new book he'd read recently. "And then, he takes the sword.." To be honest, I wasn't really listening, I was too busy examining his features. I watched the way his eyes lit up when he was passionate about something, or when he was describing some dramatic he uses his hands a lot more. I found it to be really cute. Wait, what? He is literally my best friend I can't find him cute. "It was such a plot twist! And I-" Five is cut off by a bright blue temporal anomaly being formed in the sky. It looks exactly like the one we showed up in. "What do you think caused that?" I ask. "i don't know, but I think I see someone!" Just then, a 14-ish year old girl falls out of the portal. She's wearing an oversized white shirt, with large polka dots, black jeans, and has long brown hair. She quickly spacial jumps on her feet. She dusts herself off and immediately begins to ask questions. "What year is it? Who are you? Where am I? Why do I look fourteen?" I step forward. "Woah, woah. Calm down. My name is Y/n, that's Five. Can you tell me your name?" The girl breathes in shakily before replying. "My name is Delores. I came from the year 2087, I was just trying to back a couple years, but now I'm here." She was one of us? What the hell? "When were you born? The exact time, please." Five asks, clearly thinking the same thing. "Noon on October 1st, 2030. Why?" 

1:25 pm

five: GUYS.

five: EMERGENCY FAMILY MEETING

five: @everyone

five: i know that alli is in California right now, so we can do it over text.

y/n: are you guy like holding anything important besides your phone?

thekraken: Spit it out 

five: well, It appears that there are even more of us outside of the other 43.

luther: What? What do you mean? 

five: earlier, Y/n and I were sitting outside in the courtyard and a portal appeared

five: that looked exactly like the one we appeared out of in early 2019. 

five: and a girl from 2087 came out

y/n: she said she was born on October 1st, 2030. At Noon, like we were.

iheardarumor: well, where is she now??

luther: Yeah, shouldn't we be asking her question about the others?

y/n: one second

y/n added d-d-d-delores to the chat

d-d-d-delores: hello?

five: this is delores. 

d-d-d-delores: As you already know, I was born on October 1st, 2030 at Noon. 

d-d-d-delores: I have the power of time travel and space jumping.

d-d-d-delores: I came from the year 2087 by attempting to travel back to 2038, but ended up calculating wrong and I ended up here.

d-d-d-delores: Any questions?

d-d-d-delores: No? Great. 

d-d-d-delores: Bye

hottiethottie: what the hell just happened??

hottiethottie: i leave fore like an hour and intesting shit happens,, damn.

hottiethottie: she fell out the sky

hottiethottie: and i wasn’t there to throw a fire extinguisher at her 

hottiethottie: @bentacles wanna watch a movie?

bentacles: oh bet! as long as its not mf shrek again.

hottiethottie: but bennyyyyy

bentacles + itscarmen private chat

itscarmen: hey benny, i was wondering if you wanted to come to lunch with me, vanya, and a friend of mine

itscarmen: i think you guys would get along nicely.

bentacles: of course! what time?

itscarmen: 4pm at griddys

bentacles: bet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first, I was like "There's not gonna be any plot, this is just purely crack, lmao." Then ten seconds later, I create an entire plot for the next 6 chapters. Smh. So expect lots more updates because I am officially past my monthly writers block!! (i swear it happens like once a week but whatever)


	9. Klaus didn't stop shaking the ladder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben comes back from his hang out with Carmen, Klaus tells an interesting story, and Delores seems to take a liking to Five.

6:47 pm

bentacles + hottiethottie private chat

bentacles: hey klaus,,?

hottiethottie: yeah, whats up benny boy?

bentacles: uhm

bentacles: how do you know if you like someone?

hottiethottie: wait

hottiethotie: have you seriously never liked someone?

bentcales: well,,, no

bentacles: i've just always been alone, yk?

bentacles: when we all moved out, i got an apartment and a job @ the nearby book store

bentacles: i was hardly noticed, 

bentacles: if i wasn't hanging out with you, 

bentacles: i was either @ the bookstore or @ home :/

bentacles: i never rlly got around 2 dating and such

hottiethottie: well, better late than never. amiright?

hottiethottie: so whos the lucky person whos got my baby bro coming to me for wisdom?

bentacles: her name's Jill, i met her at lunch with carmen and vanny

bentacles: she has brown skin, glasses, almond-shaped eyes you get lost in

bentacles: her laugh sounds better than any piece of music in the world

hottiethottie: damn benny, you have it bad for her

hottiethottie: i have a plan. 

bentacles: wait what? no

hottiethotie: i can't hear you over the sound of my AMAZING PLAN

bentacles: sigh this is why i don't tell you things

7:15 pm

thekraken: guys, guess what? I got a new job as a detective :)

iheardarumor: that's great di!!

hottiethottie: ooh, do you finally get to work with that lady cop you always tell me about?

thekraken: actually, yes :]

luther: Wait. Weren't you already a detective?

thekraken: well, no. its kinda hard to explain

y/n: he just lurked around like a creep until a bad guy appeared lmao

thekraken: not the words i woudve used but sure

thekraken: my first day is tomorrow :)

cosmicviolin: congrats!!

y/n + five private chat

7:16 pm

y/n: five where are you? its our movie night!

five: oh shit

five: im with delores right now

y/n: oh ok

five: ill remember next week, i promise

y/n: its fine

7:21 pm

hottiethottie: oh guys, lemme tell the story of how ben broke his arm when we were 14

bentacle: im still pissed at you for that.

hottiethottie: oh shush

hottiethottie: nyway,

hottiethottie: dear ol dad had us fix some shit on the roof

hottiethottie: bcos apparently the billionaire was too cheap to hire a handy man smh

hottiethottie: n benny boy, thought it would be a good idea to let me hold the ladder

hottiethottie: after like 20 minutes i got bored

hottiethottie: so i thot id be fun to shake it a bit

hottiethottie: and i remember his last words before he fell

iheardarumor: what were they??

hottiethottie: "Klaus, stop shaking the ladder you piece of shit." 

luther: Well, damn. RIP Ben.

thekraken: can we get an F in the chat for ben

hottiethottie: f


	10. We do be scheming doe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmen and Klaus scheme, five and y/n get into an argument, Allison finally gets her call back.

4:30 pm

y/n: has anyone seen five? 

y/n: we were supposed to see a movie together

hottiethottie: im pretty sure he's with delores

y/n: ugh again?

thekraken: damn, is someone jealous?

y/n: no!

y/n: why would i be jealous?

hottiethottie: cos some girl is stealing five

y/n: i dont like five like that!!

y/n: we're just friends

hottiethottie: yeah okayyy sureee

hottiethottie: and diego isn't madly in love with that lady cop

thekraken: 1. i am not!

thekraken: 2. totally unrelated but she asked me to go out for coffee today :))))

iheardarumor: GUYS. I GOT THE PART.

iheardarumor: I AM ANNABETH CHASE!!

thekraken: congrats alli!!

hottiethottie: thats amazing!!!

bentacles: this musical better do justice to the books!!

bentacles: but seriously congrats!!

4:45 pm

hottiethottie + itscarmen private chat

hottiethottie: carmello!!

hottiethottie: i have a favor to ask of you

itcarmen: im all ears

hottiethottie: so like,, you know that girl you brought to lunch with u ben n vanya?

itscarmen: Jill?

hottiethottie: yeah. do u happen to know if she liked ben?

itscarmen: oh my gosh she wont stop talking abt him lol

hottiethottie: perfect!

hottiethottie: benny is like head over heels for her

hottiethottie: so i prepose a plan

hottiethottie: we invite them to lunch, just us four

hottiethottie: but we bail bcos i did sumn stupid

hottiethottie: and they get to know each other and stuffs

itscarmen: thats one of the smartest things ive heard u say

itscarmen: i dont think jill's busy tomorrow, how abt ben?

hottiethottie: he's free

itscarmen: ooh! they both love books and theres this cozy little bookstore/ cafe place i know

hottiethottie: amazing! ben will love that

itscarmen: how abt 4?

hottiethottie: perfect! its a date.

5:30 pm

hottiethottie: so here's some things i thought of whilst in the shower:

hottiethottie: you can't really preheat an oven,, it just heats

hottiethottie: tomato sauce is just a tomato smoothie 

hottiethottie: nothing is on fire, fire is on things

luther: Please, stop. 

luther: You're making my brain hurt ugh.

hottiethottie: i have more

hottiethottie: if you have no context, you wont know which way 'read' is pronounced 

hottiethottie: if you put a lasagna on top of another, you still have one lasagna 

hottiethottie: if bees go extinct, the bee movie will be considered historical fiction

bentacles removed hottiethottie from the chat

y/n + five private chat

five: hey, klaus told me you were looking for me?

y/n: nope.

five: are you sure?

five: the chat says otherwise lol.

y/n: yeah, well i found you now 

y/n: so, bye.

five: whats going on? 

five: why are you upset?

y/n: this is the 3rd time this week you've forgotten our plans to hang out with delores.

five: well, im sorry

five: but why do you care so much?

y/n: really?

y/n: youre my best friend five!

y/n: for fucks sake.

y/n: i think i have a right to be pissed that im being abandoned by my best friend for a girl you just met.

five: well

five: I LIKE HER. OKAY?

five: are you happy?

y/n: are you fucking serious?

five: yes. why?

y/n: nothing. never mind. have fun with your girlfriend.


	11. So, who blew up the kitchen sink?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luther becomes Home Depot Boy and attempts to fix the kitchen sink, y/n shares their thoughts on a certain someone with the fam (- five), and ben an jill meet at their "not date"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a neat little hargreevs birthday fic out, you should chek it out :]

3:25 pm

luther: So, who blew up the kitchen sink?

luther: Klaus. What happened?

hottiethottie: what! why me!

luther: Klaus.

hottiethottie: okay, okay

hottiethottie: so i may or may not have dared diego to throw a firecracker knife style

hottiethottie: and it may or may not have broke throw the window and landed in the sink

luther: Diego!

thekraken: whattt? it seemed cool!

luther: Well, now I've gotta fix it. 

luther: Is it cool now?

hottiethottie: yeah. 

hottiethottie: it was worth it lol

bentacles: klaus, you better be getting ready, we have to meet carmen and jill!

luther: Who's Jill?

hottiethottie: Ben's ~girlfriend~

bentacles: NO SHES NOT

bentacles: she's just my female friend

hottiethottie: who he totally has the hots forr

bentacles: ANYWAY

bentacles: we gotta go

hottiethottie: actually, just go ahead with out me, i have to stop by carmellos house first

bentacles: uh ok

3:45 pm

bentacles: hey klaus where are you?

hottiethottie: hi benny its carmen

hottiethottie: hold on one sec

hottiethottie added itscarmen to the chat

itscarmen: klaus tripped and bust his face so i have to clean him up

bentacles: oh no :(

bentcles: ill be right there

itscarmen: no no, its fine we'll be there soon enough

itscarmen: just have fun with jill :))

bentacles: okay :)

5:45pm

bentacles: hey guys, uh i hope its okay that we left

bentacles: we had a neat time tho

itscarmen: its fine benny :)

y/n added bentacles, hottiethottie, luther, thekraken, cosmicviolin, and iheardarumor to a chat

y/n named the chat delores

y/n: as the title says

y/n: the chat is about delores

y/n: and the fact that she is up to something.

y/n: i don't know what, but she seems really suspious

hottiethottie: oh y/n...

y/n: what??

hottiethottie: i know its hard to watch the person you love get stolen from you

hottiethottie: but its not fair to criminalize the person just beacuse youre jealous

y/n: IM NOT JEALOUS.

y/n: IM BEING SERIOUS

luther: Klaus is right, y/n.

iheardarumor: I can help you move on if you want?

y/n: maybe, you're right

y/n: im probably just jealous.

delores + y/n private chat

d-d-d-delores: hey y/n :)

y/n: oh hi, delores

y/n: whats up?

d-d-d-delores: I just wanted to say..

d-d-d-delores: Back off. 

y/n: bitch excuse me?

d-d-d-delores: I said back off.

d-d-d-delores: A littler bird told me that you've been a little too interested in what I want with Five.

d-d-d-delores: I suggest you back off or else.

y/n: or else what.

d-d-d-delores: You don't want little Fivey to just..

d-d-d-delores: disappear

d-d-d-delores: Do you?

y/n: why are you doing this? what do you want? who sent you?

d-d-d-delores: Jesus, ask questions much?

d-d-d-delores: The only thing you need to know is,

d-d-d-delores: My mom says Hello :)

y/n: what the hell is that supposed to mean? 

y/n: wait. 

y/n: i swear to god. you better not mean the fucking handler.

d-d-d-delores: :)

y/n: I will stop you.

y/n: I knew you were some psycho bitch.

d-d-d-delores: As she always says,

d-d-d-delores: "Ca Sera Sera."

y/n: Bullshit. 

d-d-d-delores has blocked y/n


	12. You watched me water a fake ass plant??

five + y/n private chat

y/n: FIVE

y/n: LOOK

y/n: screenshot.png

five: Unbelievable 

y/n: i know!!

five: You would really go as far as faking screenshots?

five: all because you're jealous?

five: goodbye, y/n

five had blocked y/n 

Klaus was on his way to the kitchen, to make eggs- _No_ waffles. He was definitely craving waffles. 'Do we even have a waffle maker?' He thought as he approached the staircase. "Everything's going according to plan, mom. I have Five right where we want him." Klaus stops in his tracks. "That bitch y/n was on to me, but I handled them. This love serum works like a charm! Too bad it only lasts for 2 hours before it wears off. He'll be in commission hands in no time." Klaus quickly tip toes off as to not get caught. He quickly finds y/n's room and bursts through the door. "Y/n! Delores is evil! She's drugging Five to make him be in love with her!" Y/n stands up and wipes their face. "I knew it!" "Were you crying?" Y/n looks away. "Irrelevant. The thing we need to focus on is saving Five. "We need to get the others." 

hottiethottie to delores

hottiethottie: GUYS

hottiethottie: Y/N WAS RIGHT DELORES IS EVIL

y/n: i have 2 things to say

y/n: 1. We need to stop her

y/n: 2. Fuck you guys for not listening to me

luther: Well, what should we do? What information do we have?

y/n: Well, we know she's drugging him in order to make him fall in love with her

iheardarumor: drugging him with what??

hottiethottie: uh some love serum,,

hottiethottie: i heard her say it lasts only 2 hours between each dose

y/n: So part one of the plan is to get five away from her and keep him away 'till the serum wears off

cosmicviolin: and how do we do that?

thekraken: maybe ben and vanya could distract her?

luther: I can incapacitate her without doing any real damage

hottiethottie: and y/n and I will get five

thekraken: im an expert at tying knots and ropes, that way she cant escape

bentacles: let’s tie that bitch up. 

Ben and vanya walked down the stairs to see a sickly looking Five and Delores sitting on the couch, watching TV. "Hey, Delores. How are you doing?" Delores puts on a smile. "Oh, I'm great. Just watching tv with Five." Vanya looks at the TV. "Oh! This was a book before, did you know that?" Ben quickly jumps in. "Yeah, it was such a good book and..." Ben goes on a long tangent about a book that doesn't really exist. Luther creeps up from the couch and grabs Delores like he held Vanya. "Hey! What the hell are you doing?! Let me down! I.. can't.." Delores' sentence gets cut off by her passing out. Luther quickly carries he to the attic, with Diego trailing behind. Klaus and Y/n rush into the living room and y/n gasps before picking up five bridal style. "C'mon, we have to get him to mom!" Klaus says before rushing to find grace. "Mom! Where are you?" Grace is to be found in the kitchen wiping down the counters. "Grace! Please help, Delores has done something to Five." Grace frowns. "Oh, no. I'll tend to him right away. But he'll need time to rest so, I suggest you two go calm down somewhere else." We nod and she rushes to the infirmary. "Now, it's time to go see what Delores is up to." Y/n says and head up to the attic. As Y/n and Klaus enter the attic, Delores begins to stir. "What ..the.. hell?" She tries to move her arms but then realizes that she is indeed tied up. "Let me go!" Y/n rushes up and slaps her across the face so hard that even Diego winces. "You better explain yourself of else shots gonna get real bad, real fast." Y/n's grabs Delores by the face and their hands begin to glow a bright blue, they lift Delores in the air with the their telekinetic powers. The rest of the Hargreeves are in absolute shock. ‘They have powers? What the hell?!’ “Tell me now.” They then stared intently at Delores. The air all around her shifts from her area and she is in a bubble. In the bubble, she’s trying to remain tough but her face is turning purple from lack of air. Just before Delores passes out, they thrust a surge of air to her and pops the bubble. Delores gasps for a minute. “Okay.. My mom, the Handler, wanted me to pretend like I was from the future to lure Five back to the Commission. After my sister Lila came back babbling about how she failed a similar mission with you guys in a separate time line, my mother decided to send me instead.” Luther is about to step forward, but Diego stops him and whispered in his ear. “This is y/n’s thing. They need this, bro.” Luther nods. He understands what’s it’s like to want to personally seek out someone who has done you wrong. “Get the hell out of my house.” Y/n and Delores are still suspended midair until they snap their fingers and Delores hit the ground with a thud. She mumbles something under her breath and grabs a button from her pocket. She hits the button and disappears in a flash of blue. Before anyone can say anything, Y/n rushes out of the room.

hottiethottie: so uh 

hottiethottie: where’s y/n?? 

thekraken: they’re in the infirmary with five

thekraken: Mom says they havent left his side since yesterday. 

Luther: Whatever was in the love serum she was using, caused Five’s immune system to deplete, and It numbed his senses so he never felt hungry, so his Immune system being compromised plus the fact that he was malnourished put him in critical condition.

bentacles: uhhh English??? please???

hottiethottie: in other words,,

hottiethottie: it fucked his shit up.

cosmicviolin: are we not going to talk about them fucking manipulating air???

bentacles: it was so fucking COOL

thekraken: was I the only one who didn’t know y/n had powers??

Luther: I don’t think that they knew.

Luther: They didn’t seem to be all there.

cosmicviolin: the first time i used my powers, I like,,, semi blacked out

iheardarumor: my flight is tonight so, ill be back at the mansion tomorrow.

iheardarumor: should we have a family meeting??

hottiethottie: for once i think a family meeting is a good idea

Luther: alright, family meeting it is

thekraken: now that the serious shit is over with,

thekraken: klaus

hottiethottie: hm?

thekraken: when were you going to tell me?

hottiethottie: what??

thekraken: when were you going to tell me that the fucking plant in the living room was fake.

thekraken: how long has it been since you switched it out with the real one? 

hottiethottie: oh, diego... 

thekraken: what.

hottiethottie: it’s always been fake-

thekraken: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME

thekraken: THAT FOR A YEAR STRAIGHT 

theakraken: YOU WATCHED ME WATER A FAKE ASS PLANT??

hottiethottie: uhhhh

hottiethottie: it was bens idea

bentacles: KLAUS WHAT THE HELL

hottiethottie: BITCH IF IM GOING DOWN UR COMING W ME.

thekraken: you both are idiots i stg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a couple things
> 
> 1\. I’m sorry it’s been so long since the last update, I’ve been busy 👉👈
> 
> 2\. I started a discord server!! The link is on my tumblr (@succulentsonsteroids)
> 
> 3\. I am taking requests!!! I am starting a one shot book to get better at writing. I will take almost ANY request! Including smut. So please please please request something either in the comments or dm me on tumblr!!
> 
> 4\. I started another fic!! (don’t tell my wips im here) It’s a non-powers bookstore au! So, maybe go check it out?
> 
> Okay, that’s all the updates for now, I will try very hard to get another chapter out really soon!


	13. Wait, Ben can sing?!

I open my eyes and immediately close them. I have no idea what happened but all I know is that my head is _killing_ me. I sit up slowly as to not irritate my head. “What...happened?” I internally cringe at how scratchy my voice sounds. Y/n gasps and quickly wraps their arms around me. “Holy shit, five. I’ve missed you so much I-“ I have a vague remembrance of what happened but not enough to understand what the hell is going one here. “Y/n could you update me on what the hell happened? I remember next to nothing.” They clear their throat softly. “Well, what all do you remember?” Before I could answer, y/n’s phone buzzed.

6:30 pm

hottiethottie + y/n private chat

hottiethottie: hey y/n hows everything?

y/n: well uhm, fives awake actually 

hottiethottie: splendid!!

y/n: we were about to talk about the events of the past few days

hottiethottie: don’t! 

hottiethottie: we talked about having a collective meeting about the past few days.

hottiethottie: quick question

y/n: yes?

hottiethottie: do u remember anything from when you confronted delores?

y/n: well, i slapped her and then uh

y/n: i

y/n: no i don’t actually

hottiethottie: alright well, family meeting time!! 

6:33 pm

hottiethottie renamed the chat to: family meeting motherfuckers 

hottiethottie: since you CLOWNS had the AUDACITY 

hottiethottie: to leave the house on the one family meeting day 

hottiethottie: we gotta do this shit via text

iheardarumor: it’s not my fault that i got called in for a blocking rewrite 

thekraken: in my defense,,

thekraken: i don’t really have one 

thekraken: Eudora needed some extra help with a case

hottiethottie: that sounds like an entire innuendo 

hottithottie: but we will come back to that

thekraken: i 

bentacles: im at home!! 

hottiethottie: ben is the only good sibling

luther: You didn’t even ask where I am! I could be at home right now!! 

hottiethottie: well,

hottiethottie: where are you?

Luther: I am not at home, I just wanted to be asked. :-) 

five: can some one please tell me what the fuck happened?

hottiethottie: right

hottiethottie: so there’s gonna be 2 parts to this story

hottiethottie: part a and part b 

y/n: why?

hottiethottie: well because part a pertains to five

hottiethottie: and part b

hottiethottie: pertains to you my friend

thekraken: if you don’t mind I’d like to get started 

hottiethottie: fine fine 

hottiethottie: so, remember the girl who fell out the sky? 

five: yeah??¿

thekraken: well turns out she was evil and she was with the commission 

Luther: she had you hopped up on some love serum

iheardarumor: which in turn depleted your immune system

bentacles: she was going to give you back to her mom (the handler)

cosmicviolin: if it want for y/n and klaus, we wouldn’t have saved you

hottiethottie: that brings me to part b

y/n: yes???

hottiethottie: well, after we got five away from delores and in the infirmary 

hottiethottie: we joined the others upstairs 

y/n: and...?

thekraken: you were reasonably pissed at her

iheardarumor: you kinda...

Luther: kinda uh 

hottiethottie: FOR FUCKS SAKE 

hottiethottie: YOU HAVE POWERS 

y/n: is this a prank?

y/n: it’s not a very good one 

bentacles: for once i can back up Klaus, he’s not lying

y/n: ....

y/n: well what are they??

thekraken: you can bend air and shit!

bentacles: it’s so fucking cool omg 

luther: Maybe we can do some training starting tomorrow? 

y/n: uh yeah, okay!!

hottiethottie: i need a drink 

thekraken: oh god same

cosmicviolin: i need several 

y/n: 2 reasons why i am opting out

y/n: five is still in recovery 

y/n: i look fucking 14 

thekraken: my shift ends in like 15 minutes so, ill meet you guys there? 

cosmicviolin: bet

7:44 pm

five + y/n private chat

five: hi

y/n: we r sitting right next to each other

five: yeah but my head hurts but i wanna talk 

y/n: fair enough,

five: y/n i 

five: i love you so fucking much and 

five: im so fucking sorry that i waited this long to tell you but holy shit

five: i can’t imagine another day _not_ being with you 

five: and i just mph

y/n: you know you talk a lot?

five: before you kissed me, i had a paragraph written out,,

y/n: damn it felt better than when i backhanded Delores.

y/n: and that felt amazing

7:50 pm 

hottiehottie to family meeting motherfuckers

hottiethottie: damn,,

hottiethottie: benny boy has got pipes

iheardarumor: was no one going to tell that Ben could sing?? or was i just supposed to find that out myself?

bentacles: well u see,,,,,,

bentacles: i have this little thing called

bentacles: crippling self hate

hottiethottie: fucking mood

cosmicviolin: damn i felt that one ben

five: well for one, i knew

five: my room was right next to his growing up

five: you think i just _didn’t_ hear him belting Backstreet Boys

five: if you’re all together why are you texting?¿

thekraken: well, you see

thekraken: some dumb fuck was making fun of Luther

thekraken: and as you know 

thekraken: only WE can do that. 

thekraken: so i kicked his ass :) 

iheardarumor: which got him kicked out

iheardarumor: now it’s me, Luther, klaus and Ben

y/n: what about Vanya?

hottiethottie: uhhhhh

iheardarumor: klaus what did you do

hottiethottie: it’s not my fault!

hottiethottie: she just got really drunk and is now asleep in your car 

iheardarumor: for fucks sake 

cosmicviolin: i am either about to ASCEND to another plane of reality 

cosmicviolin: or pass out

cosmicviolin: who says it can’t be both >:)

iheardarumor: i swear to god

hottiethottie: before you say anything alli

hottiethottie: you can’t say im back on my bullshit if i was never off of it

bentacles: he’s not wrong,, 

iheardarumor: stfu Backstreet Boys headass


End file.
